OH SPANISH EYES

Dear Suzanne, Thank you very much for your sendings. You posted it on Saturday and Tuesday was here. Marvellous init? – that init reminds me of the good old days-. I am laughing and crying and whistling the old song, perhaps antediluvian but the dinosaurs can sing Spanish eyes. Helen has marvellous compassion Spanish eyes. On that stare is laughter, passion, compassion, mockery and sincerity, haughtiness and majesty as well. That aristocratic pose and composure is yours entirely yours. I am only a peasant. You used to say me that and perhaps you were right. She has lovely and strong red hair that mane of a lioness. The mouth is yours and the nose mine. She also has an oval face (cara redondita) in the XVII century Spain tha meant finese and serenity. My sister holds those cheeks as well.  Our Helen reminds me of a cousin she lives in Cordoba she is a matron nurse the daughter of my auntie Rosario. She also has freckles. It is strange how genes never lie. But she is better looking than any member of my family not a conventional beauty The Lord be praised. How happy and content I am. This has been a wonderful January the month of the gods and the Vestales opened to me with their powerful silken keys the Doors of the Temple. Fortuna. An astrologer – I am not superstitious as a Christian who hardly goes to church and I like to pray at home like the Russian monks and recite the old prayers of the old church in Latin well we shall talk about that in another occasion I would like to know your judgement- forecast wonderful conjunctions this month of January of the year 2006. The lady was not a Gipsy those who throw the cards in that guija there is something devilish because that witch was completely wrong and weird. The astrologer seems to have handled scientific knowledge of the conjunction of planet and magical forces in the inner nature. However I think that this has been a real midacle of LITTLE THERESE. It is amazing Helen stares with smile of Gioconda of  Teresita de Lisieux. When everything settles down I will send the book I have written I talk in it of you and your parents. I noticed their communication by the mystery of the communion of Saints remember the Catechism one of the dogmas of our Catholic Faith. Told you the magic presence of Beaners the other day in Villa Elena was strong and peacefully like an aura of grace. I know as well that you have come out and cured of your illness due to a mystery the mystery of love but we have suffered very much you and I and I feel awfully guilty about that. However today on the feast of St Timothy I have sung the Te Deum laudamus Te Domine confitemur etc. Oh Suzanne much many things I have to talk to you. El estar lejos de ti durante los últimos años no ha sido vida. But I think it has been for the best. It is not easy to be married to a journalist who lives in the world of ideas a poet a scribbler like me. They say of us writers and dreamers we carry the three D (divorced , dipsomania, depressed); many of them by now carry a fourth D. They are dead. Ad it is wonderful to be alive and to hold on my hands a letter form you. I cant forgive my mother because one day when I was abroad she went and burnt of the letter received from you silly old moo. When Christmas arrived December the month of Saturn every year had been terrible at the dinner table of Nochebuena and remember our daughter. No body asked me for our Helen but she was very present and God how I missed her on those Nochebuenas or the twentieth of May or your birthday. My wife notice Tú no las dejado buen recuerdo, debes de haber sido buena pieza (you have been a bastard to them, you left them but id she wants to contact you they know your telephone number) It was not much help innit? But that remorse was hell and I took as penitence for my sins. Probably I deserve it. Well now there is no reason to fear anything. We are settled on the right path I think and I feel a new man.

I prayed for our Helen and for you all the time. Tell you one think I havent said to any one. During the memento defunctorum of the Tridentine Mass I recalled the names of auntie Eileen, of Graham of Marie aand a certain Michel and the ofrenda was accepted. However, one day I tried to spell your name on memory but I couldn't. Then I knew you were alive. Thanks God and your good parents dead. I knew when I called and I also knew that that was your number the same ringing. The lord be praised. That bloody witch even made me a cleaning una limpieza or a kind of exorcism and gave me to my desperation the wrong direction of your whereabouts.

I knelt down in front of the throne of Teresita and I implored I beseech. Don let me down please and she didn't. She told me another things but that is a secret I may keep. I know you are a bit on convalescence and you will get very well soon. These moves apparently have distressed you Suzanne but it will do you good in the long run. Our Helen will be happy. I think and I hope anyway. As far as I am concerned it is like a burden which I threw out of me a real pain which was strangling me.

I can keep writing by internet. May I? The only way I can get to talk to Helen is through you or at least I think.

Adjoin photos of my family and my self in which I am not so horrible. The last past year has been difficult for reasons of work and other things and I have grown old. Spain the Spain of my dreams una, grande y libre is broken, slave and very small, not exactly a paradise although apparently the economy goes well but it is no gold all that shines. This a rat race and people have become more selfish more cruel than ever. I tried to preserve my family from all those ills and I think I have succeeded although trodden but not beaten and still on progress. My children are very nice and I am thinking that our Helen could have in them support, love, some roots. Well I will try to explain this concept on these epistles to you. I wish you to have a marvellous birthday. You are 59 oh God we are getting old and cranky but love is eternal. Que pases un feliz día. Promise I wont telephone. Only Internet messages.

Bye for now. Keep well and  in good spirits but dont show to me too much pleasse the upper lip. No sex we are British. Fanny I send you photo of e with good Sir Alec whose brother wrote thar comedy. Both poor blokes are also dead. Good night.

Thursday, 26 January 2006